How to survive the feared terrible twos?
When you feel that you have already passed the most difficult stage of the first two years of your baby's life, suddenly the beautiful human being that you have protected and cared for for so long begins to show his/her personality. She begins to express her emotions in a more dramatic way, regardless of the place, the time of day, or who the audience is. Yes, I'm talking about the famous toddler years.
From the child development point of view, it is one of the most wonderful stages, as the child is experiencing different critical periods in his development:
His language skills are growing, making it possible to express what he wants (and also what he doesn't).
Her sense of independence takes center stage to show that she can do new things, discover, and learn from the world around.
It is also the time when most children gain control of their body and show signs of wanting to make diaper days a thing of the past.
And of course, it is the stage of the three favorite: "I can do it by myself", "It's mine", and "No!"
It is clear that for parents it is very challenging to be the referee of our children’s emotions. We can all sympathize with the mom or dad trying to cope with a child who is being overcome with feelings in the least expected times and places. We are all too familiar with the sudden pressure to suppress those negative emotions, discipline our children, and "teach them the right way to behave.”
Imagine a two-year-old who doesn't want to be independent, who doesn't want to discover and learn, and who doesn't show emotions. Does it sound normal to you?
Of course not!
So, what can we parents do to cope with this stage?
To avoid reacting, losing your patience, yelling or worse: punishing or hitting, follow these steps:
Breathe: First calm your body.
Let go of all distractions: Yes, the cell phone too.
Connect: Get close to your child and make eye contact. Try to put yourself in her/his shoes and get a feeling for what the causes are. Is he tired? hungry?
Describe: Without yelling, describe what is happening. This puts the attention on the situation and not on your child. Example: You are upset because the kid took your toy. I see.
Redirect and correct: I don't mean punish. I mean using the precise words to suggest the behavior you want your child to do. Example: hands are for hugging or building. Not for hitting.
What if your strategies do not work with my kid?
Every child is different and situations vary widely. There are also days when adults find it more difficult to be empathetic or understanding with our children, because raising a child is like learning to meditate. It is a practice that is cultivated little by little. Don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out for you the first time you try. Every time you try to connect and help your children manage their emotions is a step toward a stronger relationship between you. So, keep trying.